Orbit Fruit Punch

Orbit Fruit PunchFlavor: Well, you missed the boat on your “Mystery Flavor” with this one, Orbit. Because… I don’t know what the heck this is supposed to be, but it sure isn’t any fruit punch I’ve ever had before. When you name a candy or a gum “fruit punch,” as with all common flavors, there are certain expectations your audience is going to have about what it’s supposed to taste like. Fruit punch, real fruit punch, can I guess be pretty much anything– orange + cranberry + ruby red grapefruit maybe (oo, throw a little rum in there while you’re at it…), but when we’re talking about the standard fruit punch flavor, it’s a very specific taste we’re talking about. I hated fruit punch flavor growing up, from Ssips to special edition Starburst, but I know a whole lot of people who really love it, and they would be totally disappointed in this gum. Standard fruit punch flavor is not easy to describe, sort of wild, lots of cherry in there and sugar, maybe some citrus undertones, a round fruity finish. This gum, however, is easy to describe: It doesn’t taste like anything. It’s just sort of… sweet. And it’s cold, it has that minty cold sensation, although it doesn’t even tout some kind of mint variety on it, like their other strange combos, “Citrus Mint,” “Raspberry Mint.” Blech.
: What’s going on, Orbit? Are you feeling all right? Because you’re just not performing up to par these days, and you’re a real go-getter, a real champ in the gum world. This gum is too tough, creates a foam in your teeth, and– unheard of for Orbit– this gum has a dull squeak to it.

Presentation: Fashion pack, smashion pack. This gum is just kind of lame.
: I’m disappointed in you, Orbit. We’ve had such wonderful times together, and I’m afraid I’m beginning to become skeptical of your… experimentation with new flavors. Take some time off. Relax. Then get back to work, and make your fans proud.
: oo (two gumballs)