Sunday, February 6, 2011

Wrigley's 5 Vortex

Flavor: vortex [ˈvɔːtɛks] n 1. (Physics / General Physics) a whirling mass or rotary motion in a liquid, gas, flame, etc., such as the spiralling movement of water around a whirlpool
2. any activity, situation, or way of life regarded as irresistibly engulfing. Um... guys? This gum is sour apple. I mean, I suppose the initial overwhelming flavor burst and permeating odor of this gum can be considered "irresistibly engulfing" (if you're into that sort of thing), but what the heck does it have to do with apples? Frankly, I'm getting a little tired of this whole 5 enterprise. At first, it was interesting, the flavors were sort of mysterious and fun, but now it seems like they're really stretching it. Call an apple an apple, man. Hubba Bubba would.

Texture: 5 always has a pretty good texture. But as long as the texture lasts, the flavor dissipates and you're left with this sort of cold blob floating around in your mouth making your breath stink. I've never really been a fan of green apple though, admittedly, so others might disagree on this point... but since elementary school, I've thought that green apple flavor gives you stank-breath.

Presentation: I just want to take a moment to talk about the new trend in gum to print all of the important nutritious information on the plastic outer covering of the packs of gum, which is removed upon consumption. In many cases this can be a problem-- what if you want to take a minute to look at the chemicals you're compulsively inserting into your mouth? Of course, most people refer to the nutrition labels only when purchasing a product, but I've found that on more than one occasion I've been faced with a predicament-- a vegetarian friend or one who's keeping Kosher will ask if my gum contains gelatin and I'll be unable to answer with confidence without running out to buy a fresh pack. I understand the aesthetic appeal of the clean "fashion pack" that's becoming so popular these days, but I think there's a value to including the information right where you can see it any time-- the Surgeon's General Warning on a pack of cigarettes, after all, is on the pack itself, not the plastic outer shell. Regardless, on this particular package, even the flavor itself is eliminated once the outer shell is removed. But then... the smell is so pungent that I doubt you'll ever be referring to the pack to tell you the whole room stinks like sour apple.

Overall: Elch. This is a successful sugar-free sour apple, but I can't imagine a set of adult taste buds out there that could endure this kind of experience. I don't think the funky red and green explosion stripes are enough on the packaging here-- I suggest Wrigley get some bubble letters on this pack, slap a sunglasses-wearing cartoon apple dude on there, and sell this stuff on the playground, where it belongs.

Rating: oo (two gumballs)

19 comments:

Anonymous said...

OH EM GEE! You guys found VORTEX!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1 i was da first on to tell u guys!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I hated it. One gumball or 2 if you like SOUR, i hate sour so i hated vortex. I agree with you katie.

Anonymous said...

Eh, I don't think it's that bad. Reminds me of Jolly Ranchers that I used to take as a kid whenever I had a cold. So it could just be the nostalgia speaking, but I give it a three out of five.

Anonymous said...

Could you guys- Katie or Shannon review Cobalt- the bluepeppermint one. I bought a 3 pack because I thought it would be a sweet peppermint like Winterfresh from Wrigleys, but it was not. I just want to know what you think.

Anonymous said...

This rating is stupid it's a good flavor at least Wrigley's is coming up with creative ideas for the gum names and not just calling it sour apple. And you can usually tell what flavor it is once you have had it so you don't need it on the package. 5 gumballs for creativity and originality and DUH taste!!!!! This 5 gum brand is knocking off all of the other gum brands it's good gum stop bagging on it!!!!!!!!!!

Chrissy said...

So sour so sweeet so good!

A.W.J. said...

I disagree with the rating. You guys are pretty generous with your fours and fives so I was surprised at the low rating for Vortex.

I'll grant that my opinion may be somewhat skewed as I am a sour-apple fanatic. I'd been looking forward to trying Vortex for a while because I've never had a sugar-free apple gum that did the trick. Extra's Cool Green Apple was fine, but it was cut with a minty bite, and I don't like mint effing around in my fruit gum. Besides, that flavor is long gone. And the new(ish) Trident Layers gum is apple+pineapple, which again is fine, but not what I'm looking for exactly (plus that one gets really cloying after a few short minutes). Vortex has an bright, sour opening that mellows beautifully into a long-lasting, smooth apple chew. It's what I've been wanting literally my entire life.

Now, that's all maybe a little specific to my particular tastes. But as for your review, the accusation that Vortex belongs "on the playground" might hold a little more weight if there weren't so many examples of other sugary-sweet, fruity gums that have been met with breathless five-gumball reviews. Why is green apple so much more childish than strawberry or tropical gum? C'mon guys.

Anonymous said...

i think you are crazie i love this gum but i can see where you are coming from cuz if you dont like green apple youre not gonna like this come and i think you shoul reallt point out that if you like green apple you would probally like this gum

Anonymous said...

I love it from a 54 year old women yummy! must be my age!!!!

Major-General said...

Vile, simply vile.

k said...

I agree...I was hoping it would be as good as Prism, but it's pretty awful :( it's bitter and it stinks from a mile away.

Damaramu said...

I thought the flavor in this gum was rancid. It was overpowering and after a few minutes of chewing it, I had to spit it out as it was actually upsetting my stomach. On top of that, I couldn't get the flavor out of my mouth - even after eating!

So far, Wrigley's "5" line have all been misses for me.

The CandyBox said...

I have a Kosher Candy Store in the Bronx.. The Candy Box...We sell Kosher 5 Gum..Its imported from Israel its a Huge seller..
www.thecandyboxonline.com
can always email or call us and we can ship

Anonymous said...

The overpowering flavour of this gum when I first start to chew it is SO chemical. It reminds me quite vividly of the taste you get at the back of your throat when you are given sodium pentathol general anesthetic, just before it knocks you out. It's this cold, poisonous taste. I can barely detect sour apple at all. They should call it Poison Apple.

Anonymous said...

the worst gum ever. The jolly rancher sour apple taste lasts for about 30 seconds and then you end up with with a piece of hard plastic in your mouth. Horrible! blah!

Anonymous said...

this gum is very good i rate it ooooo.i love this gum.stop trying to say its bad,ok.

Shadow_Light said...

I usually like 5 gum flavours and everything about it apart from the fact that it loses it's taste quite quickly. When I opened the packet of vortex, lifted the flap and sniffed a lungful of the scent, I was somewhat confused. Did someone tamper with this? I honestly thought it smelt like nail polish. And the taste was weird, so chemical-y. I did not taste apple or sourness. Just a strong flavour. I was somewhat scared that someone injected a chemical into this, but thought, what the heck, it's too late now anyway and tried the flaour out. After a while, the taste disappeared like all 5 gums eventually do and it taste a bit more like apple, but I also notice that there's a minty taste to it. I thought this was sour apple? What does mint have to do with this? We have Electro for that. I was looking forward to some sour apple gum..

Anonymous said...

the aftertaste of this Vortex stuff is like nothing else I've tasted.

God it's horrible - like licking the bottom of a chem lab beaker.

Anonymous said...

Well I love green apple anything and this gum just made me wanna puke and then it gets all mushy after like 4 or 5 minutes what's that about anyway or is it just me.

Anonymous said...

I don't think I've ever spit out a candy or any kind of gum... EVER. But this was out of my mouth after about 15 seconds. The taste is... I don't know what it is. I don't mind apple flavoured things but I should have known better when it was in the 50% off bin at safeway. BLAH! Stay away even if you like apple flavoured shiat.