Wrigley’s 5 Vortex

Wrigley's 5 VortexFlavor: vortex [ˈvɔːtɛks] n 1. (Physics / General Physics) a whirling mass or rotary motion in a liquid, gas, flame, etc., such as the spiralling movement of water around a whirlpool2. any activity, situation, or way of life regarded as irresistibly engulfing. Um… guys? This gum is sour apple. I mean, I suppose the initial overwhelming flavor burst and permeating odor of this gum can be considered “irresistibly engulfing” (if you’re into that sort of thing), but what the heck does it have to do with apples? Frankly, I’m getting a little tired of this whole 5 enterprise. At first, it was interesting, the flavors were sort of mysterious and fun, but now it seems like they’re really stretching it. Call an apple an apple, man. Hubba Bubba would.
Texture: 5 always has a pretty good texture. But as long as the texture lasts, the flavor dissipates and you’re left with this sort of cold blob floating around in your mouth making your breath stink. I’ve never really been a fan of green apple though, admittedly, so others might disagree on this point… but since elementary school, I’ve thought that green apple flavor gives you stank-breath.
Presentation: I just want to take a moment to talk about the new trend in gum to print all of the important nutritious information on the plastic outer covering of the packs of gum, which is removed upon consumption. In many cases this can be a problem– what if you want to take a minute to look at the chemicals you’re compulsively inserting into your mouth? Of course, most people refer to the nutrition labels only when purchasing a product, but I’ve found that on more than one occasion I’ve been faced with a predicament– a vegetarian friend or one who’s keeping Kosher will ask if my gum contains gelatin and I’ll be unable to answer with confidence without running out to buy a fresh pack. I understand the aesthetic appeal of the clean “fashion pack” that’s becoming so popular these days, but I think there’s a value to including the information right where you can see it any time– the Surgeon’s General Warning on a pack of cigarettes, after all, is on the pack itself, not the plastic outer shell. Regardless, on this particular package, even the flavor itself is eliminated once the outer shell is removed. But then… the smell is so pungent that I doubt you’ll ever be referring to the pack to tell you the whole room stinks like sour apple.
Overall: Elch. This is a successful sugar-free sour apple, but I can’t imagine a set of adult taste buds out there that could endure this kind of experience. I don’t think the funky red and green explosion stripes are enough on the packaging here– I suggest Wrigley get some bubble letters on this pack, slap a sunglasses-wearing cartoon apple dude on there, and sell this stuff on the playground, where it belongs.
Rating: oo (two gumballs)